by Madeline Roth 8/25/2014
Last week, we gave you two sides of a much-heated national debate. First, we gave you 16 examples that prove the Illuminati control the VMAs. Then, we flipped the argument on its head, giving 16 more reasons why they totally dont. Both sides were compelling and convincing enough, but only last nights epic show could settle the matter once and for all. Take a look at the evidence and judge for yourself.
The Snake Debacle
PRO-ILLUMINATI: Nicki Minaj sang a song called Anaconda. Which is a snake. A satanic snake. Need we say more? Even though shes, uh, probably not singing about a real snake (were thinking it may be a metaphor), the symbolism is so there.
ANTI-ILLUMINATI: But Nickis performance didnt feature a real, live snake, as originally slated. Thats because the boa constrictor bit one of her dancers in rehearsal, which could be the universes way of telling Nicki and the Illuminati to back off.
2. The Mind-Control Debate
PRO-ILLUMINATI: The Illuminati MUST have been trying to hypnotize or brainwash us last night, right? What other explanation could there be for the spiral-shaped stage that the winners accepted their Moonmen on?
ANTI-ILLUMINATI: Even though the spiral stage was pretty captivating, there were also messages planted throughout the show to force us out of hypnotization. 5 Seconds of Summer sang about waking up with Amnesia (meaning they obviously wanted us to wake up this morning and forget we had been brainwashed), and then Ariana Grande convinced us to Break Free. So HA! No mind control here, suckers.
3. The Numbers Game
PRO-ILLUMINATI: As we pointed out, the nati dig triangles. Thats why it was super suspicious that last nights show was trio-heavy. From Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minajs show-stopping Bang Bang performance, to the fierce Orange is the New Black ladies appearance. Even Beyonce was joined after her performance by Jay Z and Blue Ivy to makethree. Three was the magic number last night.
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Did The Illuminati Control Last Nights VMAs? After Careful Examination, Weve Determined Yes!